Just a warning....this may be a tad inappropriate....just a tad....maybe.
I was never much into reading as a kid. Not until I got
married, quit my job, and had a kid did I truly appreciate that there
was a way to sit down and be taken into a whole other world. Calgon,
take me away! I had a period of time that I read ALL of Tess Gerritsen's
books. I couldn't put them down! Then I got busy or something....not
quite sure why I didn't read for a while. But then while at a birthday
party, I heard about this book. A booked that was being called, "Mommy
Porn" by it's readers and the media. Huh? No way....seriously people,
you need to broaden you horizons when it comes to the bedroom apparently
because I'm pretty sure that nothing sold at Barnes & Noble could
be so intense. Now, for those of you who have read a few of my blogs,
you know that I will admit when I am wrong. Here I go again....I was
wrong.
This all started when I went to a friend's
surprise party... as the men were playing a game of washers in the yard,
the hens were perched on the deck talking about recent events...being
pregnant, getting pooped on, planning birthday's...you know, the normal
crap mommies talk about. Then we got on the subject of books and I have
heard a few things about this book, "50 Shades of Grey" but didn't
research it or anything. Just heard it was sexual...whatever. Well, one
of the ladies let us know that this book has added fuel to her fire.
She said that she read about things that she didn't have a clue
existed...and then a couple of the other hens opened up and said that
they had heard about it...that it had reignited their sexual
relationships with their husbands, or gave some women the courage to
"try new things". So this peaked my interest. Could there be a book
out there that really got a woman's blood REALLY pumping? I doubt
it...IT'S A BOOK! And I was pretty sure there were no illustrations
involved so could this author paint a good enough picture to get
someone's lady parts beeping? Doubtful....especially since I had heard
that this was poorly written . So I figured I had nothing to lose...my
husband was going out of town for 3 days so I was pretty sure that IF
this book did what most said it did, I would be safe in the comfort of a
cold shower and not at the mercy of a neglected husband...so I went
with a girlfriend to Barnes & Noble after I dropped my daughter off
at school...if you thought that I was going to walk into a bookstore
asking where the "Mommy Porn" was by myself, you are sadly mistaken...
we looked, and looked, and looked for that friggin' book. Is it in
Women's Studies? No.... What about Instructional? No.... School Summer
Reading? God, I hope not.... We finally find where it is supposed to
be but it appears that they are out of them. So I go up to the front to
pay for my Dr. Seuss book...okay, now this is just wrong..Dr. Seuss and
Mommy Porn...I ask the cashier if they are out of that book and she
says, "Oh no...we keep them behind the counter..." WHAT?!?!?! Oh
Lord....maybe I should just tell her to forget about it but I did bring
my friend here for support. Too late to turn back now...
So
that evening I start reading this book....no sex yet. It was little
slow to start but I'm glad, because if that author would of just gotten
to the meat and potatoes right away, I would of burned the damn thing.
She knew what she was doing when she wrote this book. She got me
intrigued by the main characters and the mystery the Mr. Grey. Then it
started getting hot, and then is simmered, then it started boiling....OH
SHIT! IT'S BOILING OVER! What in the......okay, enough for one
night...I'm going to bed....okay, one more chapter....After
approximately 36 hours of having this book in my possession, I finished
it. And let me tell you....if Anastasia wasn't sore from what she
personally endured, I was sore for her....just reading this made me
tired. Once I closed the book, I have to tell you something. I have
NEVER felt so violated in my ENTIRE life. It was like, if I knew of this
Mr. Grey and ran into him at Panera, I'm pretty sure I would run out
the door screaming let alone look this delicious freak in the eyes! As
soon as my hubs got home from his fishing trip, I told him that I read
this book and a little bit about it. He was shocked. All the sudden I
felt like I was a teenager and caught in something that I shouldn't of
done and said, "The only reason I did it was because everyone else was
doing it!" That's right...I succumbed to peer pressure....I read a book.
Not
only did I admit to my husband that I read this crazy "book", I told my
friends....I warned them...I explained that I really want to read the
next book in the series but I'm afraid that the next one will have the
same outrageous amount of sexual content, and I can't handle it. I feel
dirty already and I'm pretty sure I will have to sit on ice for a week
before even attempting to read the second one. I wonder how many crazy
women Barnes & Noble have coming in at opening with two cigarettes
hanging out of their mouth, and a fresh scotch on the rocks. So, in
conclusion I believe that I will write the author and tell her that she
should include a supply list with the purchase of this book and it
should include, but not limited to:
Ambien (because obviously when it's time for bed, you can't put the damn book down!)
Cigarettes
Ice
Batteries
Scotch (or any hard liquor of your choice)
A well rested Male (preferably Mr. Grey)
You've been warned...
Laters, Babe
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